The Established Path of Discipleship

Faithful are the wounds of a friend. (Proverbs 27:6)

First, let me point out the obvious. The inspired writer of Proverbs 27 chose the word wound for a reason. Wounds hurt. That’s the point. They are supposed to hurt. When a brother or sister rebukes us or offers constructive criticism, it can be hurtful. It stings. Through your pursed lips, you are saying in your mind, ouch! Or, if you are like me, you are often quick to defend yourself rather than allowing the wound to do its work.

Many years ago, my spiritual father, who is more like an older brother to me, kindly rebuked me concerning my discipleship relationships with others. I was spending a lot of time focusing on one man who was not very serious about his walk with Christ, at the expense of another man who was more intent on pursuing growth. Initially, I did not heed my friend’s advice, but later I saw the wisdom in his rebuke.

Second, these wounds are faithful. The original language brings out the idea of something being true, trustworthy, and reliable. Unlike wounds that fester with infection and lead to bitterness, these are wounds that heal. The scars they leave are faithful reminders of wisdom. As I discipled men over many years of ministry, my spiritual father’s rebuke has kept me from wasting time on those who are not quite ready for a discipleship relationship. His rebuke has also yielded fruit in the lives of men God graciously put into my path.

Being sinners and saints at the same time (simul justus et peccator), we can and will often deliver rebuke in a harsh, unkind way. When you are on the receiving end of this kind of rebuke, resist that urge to defend and quickly respond.  Ask God this question: Is there any truth to what they are saying? If there is, then confess and repent if sin is involved. Tell your rough rebuker, “Thank you for bringing this to my attention.”

Sometimes the rebuke or criticism lacks truth. I wish I could say that is the case most of the time with me, but it is not. However, sometimes individuals are just being mean. Instead of pouring gas on the situation and starting a dumpster fire, say, “Thank you for telling me how you feel.” Usually, the person is not able to hear how they hurt your feelings at that moment. Later, I may go to them and express my hurt and my forgiveness. Most of the time, however, God providentially convicts them of their sin, and they come around. If, on those rare occasions, they do not confess their harshness, leave it to the Lord. Otherwise, the root of bitterness that springs up in your life will be more harmful than the harsh words spoken to you.